What useful trades do you have for the coming apocalypse?  If you live, you’ll no longer be working in an office and reading memos, you’ll be doing basic survival skills against zombies, etc.  This is kind of the opposite of the “what-if” question, “What would you do if you won the lottery.”

Come the apocalypse, I’ll be a cook.  I’ll need to beef up on my slaughtering skills (and how, pray tell, do you prepare zombie?), but I think I’ll do okay combining the few ingredients we have at hand to ensure people eat well.

I write, too, but that’s not really a survival skill.

Zombie Stew

Note: Do not serve to anyone who has not proved immune to the zombie virus. While the long cooking time will destroy most viruses, one simply cannot make guarantees in such a case.

5 lbs zombie thigh, cubed
1/4 c zombie lard
1/4 c dried chili powder, preferably chipotle
1 head of garlic, minced
1/4 c salt
1 quart of water, zombie broth, or a mix

Melt the zombie lard in a Dutch oven over a hot flame and add the zombie thighs in batches, searing them until all sides are dark brown. Add the chili powder, salt, and garlic and cook for a few minutes more, stirring constantly, until the garlic begins to turn translucent. Add the broth and move the Dutch oven away from the coals until it reaches a low simmer. Cover and simmer for 2 hours, or until the zombie meat is falling apart and infused with the chili pepper and garlic. Remove the meat from the Dutch oven and cover. If the remaining broth has not thickened, place the Dutch oven over the coals and reduce the broth until it becomes a thick sauce. Serve over long-simmered grains, soda bread, or potatoes.